Mislead

You have trusted in your wickedness and have said, ‘No one sees me.’ Your wisdom and knowledge mislead you when you say to yourself, ‘I am, and there is none besides me.’ Isaiah 47:10

I woke up this morning with God tugging on my heart to spend some time with him. I had some disturbing dreams in the night so I thought nothing would be better than some alone time with God.

As I write this I’m sitting in Carmi, IL, a small farming town full of cornfields and oil wells everywhere you look. I sit and stare out the window at the 8 acres of God’s amazing creation. You can smell the rain as you watch the birds and see the horses run. It’s beautiful.

It’s so peaceful. The house is quiet and most of the girls are still sleeping. I think to myself, “What a peaceful morning this will be”. I asked God to show me in the Word where he wanted me to go. Did he ever! He led me to the above verse. It tossed that peaceful feeling right out the window and hit me like the spider web had the day before during our “nature walk”.

Pride. That’s the word that came to me as I read this verse over and over again. God has dealt with my pride in this past month more times that I care to admit. It’s so easy to let our pride take control.

I have trusted in my wickedness far too many times. Where has it gotten me? Flat on my face. I believe there are many things that can lead to pride. For me, I let my fear take me there. I became scared of things in my life. After crying out to God and not getting the answer I wanted, I took it upon myself to create MY wisdom and MY knowledge, not His.

What if we were to bottle up our pride and sell it? We could make a fortune, if people buy it that is. For any of you considering doing just that let me save the Surgeon General some time and write the warning label for you. It should read, CAUTION: USING YOUR OWN WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE WILL MISLEAD YOU AND CAUSE YOU TO PERCEIVE YOURSELF AS GREATER THAN HE. THIS COULD BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.

Don’t worry though. Even though God prescribed me ANOTHER dose of reality this morning, after confessing my prideful ways to him, that peace that transcends all understanding came back to me.

He may be a God of justice, but he is also a God full of forgiveness, mercy, and that wonderful word I love to hear, grace.

Humble

There are various definitions for the word humble. The most powerful to me would have to be – to lower in pride; make modest. That definition speaks powerful truth to me.

The word humble is in the Bible over twenty times. Moses was humbled. Solomon was humbled. David was humbled. Jacob was humbled and Joseph was certainly humbled. What about Job? I would have to say Yes!

Over the past three weeks, I have been humbled myself. I’ve been knocked down a notch or two off the pride pole. And let me say, it wasn’t the softest fall.

On August 25, God took me for a ride on the humble train. After an intervention from four of the dearest people in the world, I pulled into the driveway of the Table Rock Freedom Center. Why an intervention? And what is the Table Rock Freedom Center?

In a matter of a month I had stopped sleeping, stopped feeling and stopped trusting in God, myself and others. After a four day drinking binge, God stepped in. One of my pastors and three great friends showed up at my doorstep to offer me help. Not just any help, but help from Jesus.

Table Rock Freedom Center (TRFC) is a discipleship program for women. It offers help to hurting women with many different issues. It offers that help through the love of Jesus Christ.

So, what does this have to do with me being humbled? ALOT!

I lead a small group on Tuesday nights. One of the employees of TRFC was part of my group. I went from being a leader to being led by her.  Humbling? Yes.  The week before I came to TRFC, I got a thank you note in the mail from the girls at the center thanking me for the microwave I donated.  Now I warm my food in that microwave. Humbling? You better believe it!

I spent my birthday with an apron around my waist serving coffee and food to a large group of strangers at a wedding. Or so I thought they were all strangers.  I got to one of my assigned tables only to serve four people I attend church with.  Humbling?  To say the least.

He gives grace to the humble.  James 4:10 says “humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up.” We are reminded in 1 Peter 5 that “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

How does one become proud? I can’t speak for everyone, but I can speak for me.  I became proud when I stopped giving control to God. I feared Him. I turned away for one second and my pride reared its ugly head. It only takes a second!

I am thanking God that He is a God of love, forgiveness, and kindness.  I am grateful that He is a God of second chances beyond a number we can count to.

1 Peter 5:6 reminds us to “humble ourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” In due time!

Toss your pride aside, humbling yourself before the Lord.

Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Can You Die Of A Broken Heart?

Interesting question. I believe the answer is yes. I believe I saw it first hand.

My grandfather passed away on August 15. He was 84. Yes, he was old. Yes, he had been sick. Yes, his cancer was back. But I believe he died from a weakened heart.  I believe he gave up because he felt lost.

His favorite word was “cotton pickin”. He loved barbecue and fish. He loved to sit on his porch swing and watch the squirrels play in the yard. He loved to ride around town in his electric wheelchair. Yes, my grandpa was an All-American, true blooded redneck. He was proud of it too. He wore overalls and used to smoke like a freight train. He fought in WWII and didn’t talk about it much.

He had many skeletons in his closet, and a lot of them he didn’t talk about. One of those skeletons was alcohol. It controlled him for many years. They say alcoholism can be hereditary.  I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t watched it be passed on before my very eyes. My aunts, my uncles, my cousins, and my dad; it took over their lives. It took over my grandpa’s too. But I still loved him.

When my dad died in February, so did my grandpa’s heart. His eyes died. His emotions died. His smile died. I could see it on his face the last time I told him goodbye. Six months later he is gone.

Could I have helped mend his broken heart? Was I too scared to acknowledge his sadness because I was to engulfed in mine? I guess we’ll never know.

The Word Really Is My Strength

¹ My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.

² He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

³ How long will you assault a man? Would all of you throw him down— this leaning wall, this tottering fence?

⁴ They fully intend to topple him from his lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Selah

⁵ Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

⁶ He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God ^[a] ; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

⁸ Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah

⁹ Lowborn men are but a breath, the highborn are but a lie; if weighed on a balance, they are nothing; together they are only a breath.

¹⁰ Do not trust in extortion or take pride in stolen goods; though your riches increase,
do not set your heart on them.

¹¹ One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong,

¹² and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.

This chapter has brought comfort to me over the past few days, especially yesterday. I read it during the three hour ride to my grandfather’s funeral over and over again. When I pulled up to the funeral home I read it again. After the funeral I read it. And on the three hour trip back home it still comforted me. God gave me the strength to make it yesterday through the words of this Psalm.

As I stepped into the sight of my family, verses 3-4 were playing my head. I hadn’t seen or spoke to that side of my family for 6 months. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. I remembered that my soul finds rest in God alone, because he is my rock.

I sat in the funeral yesterday and began to feel anger toward some of the people in that room. Then I kept remembering the promise of God’s Word. It allowed me to pray for them; to pray for blessings over them. It allowed me to repeat forgiveness for them.

Verses 3-6 tells us that prayer can release our tensions in times of emotional stress. Trusting God to be our rock, salvation, and fortress will change our entire outlook on life. No longer must we be held captive by resentment toward others when they hurt us. When we are resting in God’s strength, nothing can shake us.  If only it were that easy huh? I guess it is for some people. I wish I could wake up everyday and say that I have no resentment towards others; that I constantly feel like I am resting in God’s strength. I must take it one day at a time I guess.

This I am sure of, even though some days it takes me longer to realize: God is strong and you, O Lord, are loving. The Message puts it this way in verses 7-8: My help and glory are in God —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God— So trust him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for him. God is a safe place to be. A friend of mine this morning said, “God is stronger than my granite counter tops.” That is true, and so much more. The most comforting thing to know for me is that God is a safe place to be. He is safe and I have to keep telling myself that.

Where is Your Eternity?

I learned this week that a man I went to school with had taken his own life. My first thoughts revolved around the sadness I had for the child he left behind. That little boy would never really get to know his father. But as the week went on I began to think about his salvation. The last time I saw him was about 10 years ago, during a very dark time in my life. It was during that time that I was involved in drugs and considering my own suicide.

I was listening to a sermon this week about Heaven and Hell. The preacher said something to me that really stuck out. Over 6,000 people a day in the United States go into Eternity. Over 6,000 people! But where do they go? Heaven or Hell? That question has left an aching in my heart. I know where I’m going when I become one of those 6,000 people. But the sad reality is, there are MANY who don’t.  And I haven’t always known.

Today I ask many “what if’s?” What if I wouldn’t have opened my eyes to Jesus when I did? What if I was still wandering this world lost, looking for all the wrong answers? What if someone would have reached out to him? What if I would have been that someone?

I don’t know where his eternity will be spent. But as I look around at many of my loved ones today, I know the answer. But that answer doesn’t have to stay the same. Where do I go from here? What do I do? My first step is prayer. My second step is to be an example.  The third, and hardest step is speaking the truth.

⁶God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you ⁷and give relief to you who are troubled, and to us as well. This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with his powerful angels. ⁸He will punish those who do not know God and do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus. ⁹They will be punished with everlasting destruction and shut out from the presence of the Lord and from the majesty of his power ¹⁰on the day he comes to be glorified in his holy people and to be marveled at among all those who have believed. 2 Thessalonians 1:6-10

Sobering words if I say so myself. I praise the Lord that I am able to say with confidence, not cockiness, that on the day of Christ’s return I will be among those glorified, not punished with everlasting destruction. I praise God that I have received that promise. It was only three years ago that I received that promise.

It’s only too late when He has called your name one final time. Where is your Eternity?

Just Me, A Beer and an Old Buddy

I just woke up. It’s 3:00 a.m. and time for a story. The words of Billy Currington’s “People are crazy” are running through my head.

It’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon in the Ozarks. I’m sitting at the pub enjoying an onion loaf and a beer. It’s perfect weather for a day to just sit and enjoy the view. I love to people watch. I love to sit still and and take in the scenery of each individual, guessing bits and pieces of their history. My assumptions are probably off, but it’s still fun.

As I sip my beer in the summer sun, I see an old friend walk by. I haven’t seen him in forever. I jump up from the table and wave him down. A big smile comes across his face as he comes to the table with open arms. We hug, he kisses my cheek, and we sit down for a long, overdue visit. Oh what a visit it was!

He asked so many questions. He brought up so many wonderful memories; some of which I had completely forgotten. We also discussed things I was hoping to never be reminded of, but I guess the good comes with the bad.

“Do you remember the time You and your mom had just enough money to get a pizza and go to the movie?” he asked. “You two laughed at the pizza parlor like there was no tomorrow. You snuggled up in the theater as Jurassic Park took over the screen. When the movie was over, your mom had just enough money in her purse to watch a second movie. You were in heaven that night!”

I definitely remembered. We laughed so hard that night.

We reminisced about finding crawdads in the creek together, tee-ball, my one attempt to attend a Girl Scout’s meeting, and grossing out at the fact that my principal used to pour chocolate milk in his cereal every morning.

“Wow,” I said. “Have we been friends that long?”

“We sure have.”

We laughed about my aunt connecting the freckles on my face with a permanent marker – it’s funny now! We laughed about my bleach blond hair that I thought looked so great, and the “famous” pair of shorts that I had since the eighth grade. My grandma had to sew them up three times.

The room turned somber for a bit as we talked about things that weren’t so happy. I was amazed at  how much my old friend had remembered. There was the time my mom sat for hours in worry after the police called and said I had been kidnapped. I was found. There was the time I was so depressed I had a gun to my head. The phone rang. There was the time the doctor’s said I would never walk again. I did. Tears started to well up in my eyes as other thoughts of my past began to sneak up. He softly touched my hand, shook his head, and changed the subject. I didn’t need to be reminded of those things.

Hours passed as we played catch up. People came and went. We sat quietly for a while and watched them together. He would point and begin to tell a story about their lives. He was way better at this game than I was! It seemed as if he wasn’t guessing, but knew exactly what each person was feeling as they walked through the doors.

Before we knew it, closing time was upon us. I flagged the waitress down for the bill. Apparently, during my trip to the bathroom my buddy had covered. I gave him a sheepish grin and shook my head.

“What are friends for?”

“I got it next time,” I said.

“I don’t think that’s necessary. I’ve got you covered.”

As he got up to leave and hug me goodbye, we agreed that it had been far too long since our last visit. We made a pact to keep in touch. This time I wouldn’t let him get so far away.

He put his hands on my shoulders, kissed my cheek goodbye, and whispered, “I am great. Beer is good. And people are crazy.”

He was gone.

What Happens When Jesus Becomes Your Personal Trainer?

No Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Atkins or Slim Fast. Just Jesus, my friends, my family, and the choice to change my life one healthy bite at a time!

Staring in the Mirror

Someone asked me yesterday about my pet peeves. I told them that judging others bothered me. I had never given much thought about the things that bothered me about others. I just knew what I liked and didn’t like.

• Judgmental people.
• Drama.
• Arrogance.
• People who can’t just get to the point.

These are just a few. But I found myself last night doing these very things that I hate, which brings up another one of my pet peeves, hypocrites. I got a wake up call last night – one I don’ t feel proud to admit.

Before I turned the lights out last night I had marked off three of the things on my list. I was a judgmental, overly dramatic, hypocrite! And here I sit today with a dose of reality, thanking Jesus for His willingness to forgive and wipe my slate clean.

I’m carrying my mirror around today, reminding myself that before I take my next journey on judging someone else’s character, perhaps I should check my own blemishes.

Visit Matthew 7:1-5 for a friendly reminder. I love the way The Message defines it.

Finding Things To Be Grateful For

I feel so grateful to be holding my head up and writing this blog today. For the past four days that hasn’t been the case. I’ve spent the weekend in and out of the ER, with doctors telling me they had no diagnosis. Finally, I’m on the right path to wellness.

I’m making a list of things to be grateful for, despite what’s happened to me in the past week.

• I’m grateful that God blessed me with the ability to walk again.
• I’m grateful for the amazing friendships He has sent my way in the past year.
• I’m grateful for the relationship God continues to build with me.
• I’m grateful for the ways He has strengthened me.
• I’m grateful for my church family.
• I’m grateful for His ability in me to lose the weight I have.
• I’m grateful for the beautifully blessed apartment I live in.
• I’m grateful for the job He has given me.
• I’m grateful for the amazing, caring mother He has blessed me with.
• I’m grateful that I have so many blessings I can’t even count them all.
• I’m grateful for all of my hardships during the past year. Without them, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

God is gracious—it is he who makes things right,  our most compassionate God.

Satan, stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

I Just Brought My Dad Out of The Closet – Sense of Humor Required

My life just took a giant leap into the next healing phase. I don’t know whether to fall asleep from exhaustion or jump and shout from relief.

My “pop” passed away in February. It has been a difficult, exhausting, unbelievable, emotional, confusing, sad, happy, and overwhelming five months. I have celebrated his “Homecoming” to Jesus. I have cried myself to sleep wanting him to come home. I’ve asked why many times. I have been in denial. I’ve even refused to talk about it.

My dad was cremated. When I returned home from his funeral, I walked into my apartment carrying a box full of his ashes and a picture of him – that was all I had left of him. Friends who were there for support immediately came to my rescue. They put the box of ashes in the closet and stuck his picture on my bathroom counter for me too look at. After she saw the sadness on my face from looking at the picture, she put that in the closet too.

That’s where they’ve stayed. Until today that is. I was cleaning house, jamming out to some Dolly Parton. I sat on my bed to fold some clothes and looked up. There was the box. There was my dad. For the first time since his funeral I picked up that box. I sat on my bed and just stared.

As I started to put it back I felt God tugging on my heart. “It’s time.” He was right – it was time. I sat the box on my entertainment center, reminding myself I needed to breathe. (That certainly explained the dizziness.) There was something missing. I knew exactly what it was. I headed back to the closet and got his picture out.

I’m sitting here writing this, looking at my dad’s picture for the first time in five months. He’s smiling at me. I’m smiling back, remembering the lasts words I ever heard from him were “I love you.” For those of you who know me best, this is a huge step for me. And I’m surviving it – I’m okay!

Thank you Jesus for your strength. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for the healing you brought me today. Thank you for giving my pop the chance to get to know you.